4 fresh faces for round 2. Enjoy.
1 - Have we as a football program hit rock bottom yet? If so, when was it? If no, when will this occur?
Thankfully, yes we have hit rock bottom and it was Dooley's third year. All that offensive talent resulting in 5 wins with the assistance of one, Mr. Swisstopher Cheese Sunseri, was a fucking travesty. When Gary Wilcox and Ace Sirmon packed up their penismobile and headed West, you knew it was a bad sign. Taking into further account the disastrous state of recruiting at the time, there will never be a worse period in UT football. Even if we won 2 or 3 games this year, the program is far healthier than it was at the end of the Tabby regime.
No. I would not even bat an eye of surprise if UT Football managed to do something so bad that the United Nations felt the need to get involved. Crimes against humanity. A biological disaster that kills millions and is traced back to poor shower hygiene in the Vols locker room. A new age Marlon Walls wont wipe his ass correctly in fear of hurting himself again and BOOM we have people living in bunkers and eating their family dogs to survive.
A band scandal where we pipe in band music and have football player’s family members on band scholarships that can’t even play music. D’eric and Dontavias over there giving it hell on the flute and tuba but aint nothin coming out.
Child murder, losing to Vandy again, animal abuse, human trafficking etc.
The sky is the fucking limit with the UT Football. Who knows when we hit it?
We hit rock bottom with Derek Dooley. He was the WORST coaches in SEC History. And that's not an exaggeration, that's an actual statement you can make and back up with facts and stats. We will never get that low again because of the work Butch is doing and the fact that Mike Hamilton is currently occupied trying to adopt the Ebola patients that were flown into Atlanta. Butch may not be “the one”, but he won’t be rock bottom.
October 29th, 2011.
Strangely enough, it had nothing to do with anything that occurred on Shields-Watkins against South Carolina that night. I'm talking about the "Fear the Pants" flash mob in the student section. It still blows my mind to this day that the powers that be, 1. Allowed it to happen and 2. Allowed it to happen. The simple fact that someone, somewhere on UT's campus, was brainstorming for in-game entertainment one day and said to their self, "What would be awesome is if we compared a living Tennessee football legend with a questionable capability to actually make decisions for himself at this point in his life, to literally the biggest loser in the history of modern SEC football, with a half-ass flash mob in the stands. Oh and to top it off let's throw orange pants on him and point. That will really get everyone going while we put up 3 points in 4 quarters against the Cocks." There is no chance that Majors knew just how shitty of an era Tennessee football was in. This is the equivalent of throwing your grey-minded grandfather, who doesn't exactly know what planet he lives on, a surprise birthday party at the Copa Cabana off Chapman Highway and telling him he's in Vegas.
Just embarrassing on an infinite amount of levels.
2 - You can add any football player in Tennessee's history to the current roster. Who and why?
If you don't say Peyton Manning, you are trying too hard. Having said that, I'm pretty sure I've given different answers to this question. He would light up the East with these skill players around him, and the defense would be playing 3rd and Chavis like sets every second half protecting his leads. Even Johnny Janitors could handle that scenario.
Clausen because he isn’t a bitch and can lay a flop dong across the face of Florida while actually being able to play QB without crumbling under the big game atmosphere.
I’m sick of this twinkle tits nonsense at QB since he left.
I mean we had some good QB play at times with Ainge and Bray but who likes either of those guys? Costly interceptions and fumbles ruined their legacies not to mention their inability to be decent human beings.
Clausen delivered at a high level and looked cool as shit doing it.
If he was the QB this year Muschamp would just leave Neyland after the game and walk on over to the 5th Ave overpass with the rest of the people who have lost hope and don’t mind wearing a dingy polo sloppily tucked into a pair of pleated khakis with no belt.
Peyton Manning. The answer to this question is always Peyton Manning. I don't care if you have literally Heath Shuler, Casey Clausen, and Tee Martin all on the team at once, you still take Peyton. And you especially take Peyton when you have literally Nate Peterman, Justin Worley, and Josh Dobbs.
For once I would love to start a season off knowing we have no hope instead of having to wait all the way to week 3 to realize it.
3 - How many wins would you have to be guaranteed to agree to not having an orgasm for 6 months?
As I grow older, the number lessens. I'll go 9. Curious to see gmann's number.
I would not engage it this type of sorcery as there isn’t any traditional means that would facilitate me in holding up to the bargain.
This is a tough question because of my currently undiagnosed condition which causes me to involuntarily orgasm every time Tennessee scores a touchdown. Therefore, all of our scores would have to come via field goals or safeties. I’m not sure how exciting that would be. If you guaranteed a 10 win season then I could probably stretch it. If you started talking about a National Championship then I would cut off my wiener completely.
A win against Gators.
4 - We ask this to all participants due to the numerous options - what is your favorite part of the game day experience?
I love that moment when you first wake up in a haze, realize that its game day, and you don't have to do anything but drink and VOLS. Then, after you send that bitch on her way, you make a pot of coffee and a cocktail and it all comes together. Until we are good again, that is my favorite part.
When I wake up that morning there is a like this extra high definition to everything. My senses are heightened. I look better. My pile of dress slacks in the floor suddenly becomes a testament of my work ethic instead of laziness to wash them. Food tastes better. Grabbing my wife's ass becomes a playful display of affection instead of standard groping. I could hear Bobby Denton (RIP) in full 10.1 Dolby Surround while walking to the stadium. All things are enhanced to the max.
Unfortunately this same phenomena does not simply go away during bad times. It allows me to see and feel things I wish I didn’t.
I’ve told this story before, but I didn’t need replay for the Pig UGA fumble last year. My super game day senses slowed down time and allowed me see it unfold in some type of slow motion with enhanced zoom vision. I knew it before anyone else in the stadium. No replay needed.
This is all 100% true and I’m not exaggerating at all. Something really does open up in my mind and my senses on gameday that I can’t explain. I love it.
When I lived on campus my favorite part was the walk to the stadium. There's just this overwhelming feeling of excitement, optimism, and nostalgia...and everyone around you seems to be feeling the same way. Everyone is on the same page. It may sound cheesy, but it's truly special. Now I live far away so my experiences are very different. I love the build up to Tennessee games, especially when there are other great games to watch before them. All day I'm texting/tweeting/posting just talking about football, and there’s always this faint hope that Tennessee will win no matter how much of an underdog they are.
1A. Calling Trent Flubbs' phone ~100 times and leaving ~100 voicemails.
1B. Brushing my teeth/washing my face in the bathroom of Oscar's on Cumberland Ave.
5 - Is another solid (Top 7) recruiting class enough to remain supportive of Butch, regardless of season outcome? If not, what do you need to see to know we have the right guy?
Certainly, as long as it includes quality linemen and Dormandy doesn't suck. Our team is awful and I have checked out on wins and losses. For the first time ever I am the rational fan.
[Note: I will be red as fuck if we start 1-3 or 1-4]
No it’s not enough. Im not a big recruiting guy. Never have been and never will be. Not an exact science and I refuse to act like it is. When people like Brent Hubbs who is actually a shape shifting reptile can make a good living off of it then I just can’t buy in. I won’t let myself do it. I won’t get all hot and bothered over four star James J Fuckmustard out of Limp Dic, Georgia just a few months after we lose to Vandy at home. I won’t fall for sales tactics like that. Take the extended warranty and shove it up your smoky grey ass.
Do I get excited when we get a big recruit? Sure I do, but that alone won’t do it for me. Im probably a little hypocritical when it comes to this because I use missing out on a big recruit as ripping fuel, but won’t give much credit for landing a big recruit. However, I am an independent thinker I will do what I want. To hell with logic on the board and those who are slaves to it.
I need to see a win over a rival. I’m old school and refuse to put South Carolina into that list. It’s UGA, FL, Bama. You need to win one of those before I’m really in.
He does that then I can overlook the Heating and Airs, Hashtags, and other box store hallmarks to give my tender VOL heart to Butch Jones.
As long as it’s not a 4-win season where Butch takes a smokey grey dump at mid-field then I’m gonna support him. If he doesn’t make a bowl then I’ll start to suspect he’s not “the guy”, but that still means he could be “a guy” who gets us to consistent 8 win seasons. If he gets to 7 wins then he still could be “the guy”. If he gets 9 wins or more then I’m getting a Butch Jones face tattoo.
No. A top 7 class in the country equates to like a top 5 class in the SEC. At this point I need to see some actual wins on an actual football field.
6 - We have said some form of "Next year is our year, bitch" for the last decade. When will this mysterious year actually arrive?
Whoever drafted this question is an idiot. Obviously, the answer is next year.
I’m hoping like hell is 2016, but if it’s not we better pack Dave Hart a cooler full of hair dye, coke zero, and allergy safe snacks and then get his goddamn ass in a rental car to find us another coach. If Dave brings me another mid major bullshit hire for 2017 then shut the damn thing down and don’t further disgrace my beloved Volunteers.
It depends. If “our year” is talking about 10 wins, then that could be 2015. If it’s talking about a National Championship run, then I don’t know, that is so far away to me right now. You really have to look at schedule. So for 2015 you have UAB, Oklahoma, North Texas, Western Carolina as your out of conference. That’s 3 wins. Then you get Arkansas on your rotation at home, along with Georgia, USCjr, Vandy. That’s 3 wins, 1 toss-up. Then you have Florida, Kentucky, Missouri, Alabama away. That’s 2 wins, 1 toss-up. Then do you play in the SEC Championship? Do you win your bowl? If the breaks go our way, then boom, 10+ wins. Beyond that, so many questions. In 2016 you replace Oklahoma with Virginia Tech, but also Arkansas with A&M. Does Florida still have Muschamp? Does Tennessee’s success affect other SEC schools? So many unknowns.
Next year is our year.