Meet Your SEC Sports Media Personalities: The Cattleman Diaries
This week in the continuing series Meet Your SEC Sports Media Personalities, we present The Cattleman Diaries.
What a week for Tennessee sports media - upskirt shots, feuding anchors, low blows, a hijacked radio program, and none of course actually having anything to do with Tennessee sports, as per the norm. Interjecting himself in the middle of the fray is the Cosby Cattleman, aka Small Mike, a prolific Tennessee sports radio rabble-rouser who is loathed by scores of Vols fans who curse his name while pounding the steering columns of their Ford Aerostars. In this edition, we’ll take a closer look at the Cosby Cattleman and the underlying riff, provide a brief “what we know” about the legend, and explore the Cattleman’s softer side.
On May 15th, Nashville radio host and misery-sponge Clay Travis published an article on his site detailing a pinot grigio and diet pill fueled fight amongst neck women masquerading as aristocrats. Clay, always the opportunist, sensed a window to refill his dark energy reservoir of humiliation and histrionics by thoroughly “covering” this event. Part of this “coverage” included a still photo from the brawl, exposing a portly young woman’s birth canal. It’s all very classy.
Enter white-knight Erik Ainge, a former mediocre Vol QB turned non-self-aware radio host, who champions any cause that he can fully get his mind around (as such, theses causes are generally limited to Vols Strength & Conditioning issues). On this day, however, Ainge decided to extend his ken beyond the 865 area code and stand firmly behind his position that posting a picture of an intoxicated woman’s genitalia was wrong. He took to Twitter to defend this drunken swampdonkey and feign indignation, which turned into a painful exercise in bad tweeting. Try to follow the mess here.
As you can see, Clay seemingly takes the high road, refusing to “feud down,” but that isn’t necessarily true. In a deleted tweet, Clay, always the tragedy vampire, apparently decided to take a swipe at Ainge’s previous drug addiction, which by any definition is in fact “feud[ing] down,” and in more ways than one.
Which brings us finally to the media personality profiled today - the Cosby Cattleman. Formerly known as Small Mike, this yokel has been calling nearly every UT sports radio program every single day for well over a decade. It should be noted that this is not hyperbole - he calls nearly every show, every day. An ardent Fulmer-hater and violent opponent of women’s sports programs at Tennessee, the Cattleman has driven both listeners and hosts insane with both his rapid-fire and well-rehearsed delivery and also his adamant refusal to stray from the topic that he wishes to discuss. Due to this tenacity, he has been banned from several high profile shows in the area. It speaks to his Winston Churchill-esque resilience that the Cosby Cattleman has soldiered on, still wanting to discuss the same 4 or 5 topics for thousands of days in a row. He will fight on the beach, he will fight on the landing ground, he will fight at Pilot in Rocky Hill.
After hearing of this row between Ainge and Travis, Cattleman called into Travis’ show and proceeded to up the ante on the feud, apparently lighting into Ainge for being a junkie and running a second-rate radio program. (If anyone has audio of this call, please let me know. We couldn’t find an archive). This is all very interesting considering that the Cattleman calls Ainge’s radio show every single day and by all accounts fully intended to continue doing so. Ainge was told of his call and then stormed the studio of Tony Basilio, who owns a show on the same station as Ainge, and hijacked the program, threatening to assault the Cattleman and ban him from the station in general. It would all make for great internet if it hadn’t happened on the radio.
So what drives a man to behave like this? What would compel someone to spend thousands upon thousands of hours in his life calling AM radio stations? Let’s take a look at what we know.
The Cattleman by most accounts is a 40ish guy from Morristown. Several sources indicate that he does not have job and has never really had one. There are some suggestions that he has dabbled in “real estate,” but most feel that career choice is simply akin to your lazy friend with access to other people’s money being in “development” in 2006 or “day trading” in 1994. He is allegedly a short, bald man who shaves his head and has an affinity for cargo shorts, ill-fitting shirts and Crocs.
It is unknown what consumes the Cattleman outside of his voluminous radio calling schedule. We have been told that he is quite the night owl and can be seen in various swanky Knoxville bars like Roosters and Rays ESG. We have on good information (see below) that he has a “vibrant’ sex life, although several women informally polled at Blue Chips bar simply described him as “creepy.”
What little evidence we do have comes to us from an unnamed woman who was blessed to see that trademark Cattleman tenacity first-hand. Below are three messages written to her, and to further demonstrate that Cattleswag, these were penned after meeting this young woman exactly twice. Whatever you may think of the Cosby Cattleman, you have to applaud his gumption, like the little engine that could - in Cape Fear.
The handwritten letter that starts it all:
But he continues via Facebook:
Let's go ahead and break this down, my comments in red...
But Cattleman continues, try #3...
And one more time, my thoughts...