Hello 98ers, Morris here. Oh boy wait until you see this shit. I was perusing the ole Knoxville News Sentinel this morn and low and behold look what I came across. Mind Your Manners Vol Fans

Marjorie Jenkins, Lenoir City

Yes, it is football time in Tennessee, but our conduct at home games is remiss.

First, why are we not more respectful when our national anthem is sung/played? In the last two years the announcer has invited us to sing along. The words are displayed for our convenience in the circle of lights around the inside of the stadium. Many lives have been sacrificed for this nation, and many of you are veterans. Please, for the privilege of gathering we owe our allegiance and respect to these folks who have given so much. Sing with a grateful heart.

Secondly, folks sitting behind you paid for their tickets just as you did. For some reason you choose to stand throughout the first half, blocking the view. Why? They came to see the game, but now they must stand to see and those behind them must stand to see and so on. The second half you are finally tired of standing and sit down.

And lastly, booing is infantile. You come out en masse and boo the very reason (the opponent) you are there. If there is no opponent, there is no game.

Choices? We all have to make them. Maturity lies within the right choices. Extend the best of yourself and be a good host and a good Volunteer fan.

OH. MY. GOD.

Where do we start with this? Well first, of course, let’s look at the author. Marjorie from Lenoir City. Could that be anymore perfect? We can say with pretty high confidence that Marjorie hates Obama, has an “In Memory of ‘Pop Pop” car decal and gets violently upset when her Mountain Dew big gulp won’t fit in the cup holder of her Taurus.

I’m not sure what my favorite element is to this masterpiece. It is so layered. Let’s just go paragraph by paragraph

First, why are we not more respectful when our national anthem is sung/played? In the last two years the announcer has invited us to sing along. The words are displayed for our convenience in the circle of lights around the inside of the stadium. Many lives have been sacrificed for this nation, and many of you are veterans. Please, for the privilege of gathering we owe our allegiance and respect to these folks who have given so much. Sing with a grateful heart.

Of course. Of course. How else would Marjorie start this editorial scolding out than with the national anthem? So you go to the game, the anthem comes on, you stand up, cross your heart and listen as the guy/girl sings the words. Pretty respectful right? Na, ‘Fuck You’ says Marjorie. You sing those damn words you commie son-of-a-bitch.

“But I don’t know the words!”, you say.

“Fuck you. They are on the screen”, Marjorie responds

PWNT

Secondly, folks sitting behind you paid for their tickets just as you did. For some reason you choose to stand throughout the first half, blocking the view. Why? They came to see the game, but now they must stand to see and those behind them must stand to see and so on. The second half you are finally tired of standing and sit down.

Get. In. That. Ass. Marg. GET IN IT. How dare you make her stand up? Do you know how much effort it takes to do the very thing our bodies are made to do? Way too much, bro. Asking me to use my legs for their designed purpose for short bursts of time? Eat shit.

And lastly, booing is infantile. You come out en masse and boo the very reason (the opponent) you are there. If there is no opponent, there is no game.

Children. You are all children. Ask your parents if you can eat your happy meal in the living room while you watch Nick Jr. You come out here EN MASSE (what is that latin? Did Marg just drop some latin?) and boo your opponent. Well guess what? If there were no opponent there wouldn’t be a game. Marg just blew my mind and logic’t the shit out of this fanbase.

Ball is in your court, Vol Nation. I suggest you heed this advice or face the consequences.